I had been talking about the fact that I had marked my 50th debut anniversary last year in various interviews, and somehow, before I knew it, my 51st year since debut had already reached its latter half!
It’s real wonder how time pass so quickly as one gets older.
I remember hearing a theory before about the timeline of the universe, that time is never equal or regular, but is distorted and can be “twisted” in certain spaces, though I really don’t understand further details of this theory…
But if this is so, it seems that time is somehow “accelerating” for me personally. That must be the reason to find myself rushing around every day, feeling that I need to move at double speed. This idea makes perfect sense to me.
It also means that I don’t have much time left. At least, I have that kind of feeling.
When I hear the news of friends of my own age passing away here and there, I am full of sadness and loneliness and feel the ephemerality of life.
When I was young, it never occurred to me that my life was finite, and spent my life feeling that myself, my friends and family would live forever. But having reached this age, I often find myself thinking “How many years do I have left?”
After encountering the Stradivarius Duranty, I have always felt melancholic wondering how much longer I’ll be able to play this instrument. No one can predict the length of one’s life.
It may be just a matter of time. I feel a kind of heart ache, looking at the “face” of Duranty.
I want to play it, and want to keep playing it, even if I had to sacrifice everything else, and want to fill my time with making music together with the Duranty.
Therefore, I am eliminating activities from my daily life, one by one.
That is why I started to run instead of jogging, not to waste any time.
Before, I used to eat out quite frequently, but now I only take time with close friends and acquaintances, or with my brothers. When I cook for myself, I prepare meals so quickly and eat them in a rush, and do the washing up as I eat, all for the sake of saving time.
I used to think of going on a nice relaxing trip somewhere, but now I wish o spend that time with my violin instead.
I might appear like a weird person to others…
Or people might think I’m always struggling, practicing the violin and rushing around to play concerts. But for example, for me, it’s the same thing as someone who loves games always wanting to play them endlessly. Playing the violin is fun and it gives me the greatest joy.
I still have the feeling that I want to cut out anything that I can to save time.
I cannot cut out the time going to the gym or swimming as I need to take care of my body to prevent breaking down. It is a part of my job, and I also cannot cut back sleeping time…
That’s why I run wherever I can, to cut corners.
I feel that time is precious day by day, and that my life is passing by in faster speed…
Though, I do know one place where time stands still.
That is when I ‘m on stage.
When I stand there on the stage, and the music begins, ordinary time stops and some other kind of “musical time” starts flowing. It seems like time stands still in my consciousness. At times, it takes me to the past, and then makes me peep into the future. I get liberated on stage.
That could probably be the reason why my everyday life moves at double speed．