I watch old movies.
Sometimes, I choose a movie that really resonates deeply, when I feel the need for some warmth in my heart.
Entertaining and enjoyable movies can of course help me unwind myself, but it’s also good to watch movies from time to time, that I can deeply relate to.
I recently watched “A Beautiful Mind”.
A movie about a mathematician.
Probably because my father was a mathematician, I’ve always been interested in numbers from when I was a child. I loved arithmetic and math, so I felt some kind of sympathy to this movie about a mathematician.
I have watched it many times, crying and feeling fulfilled and touched each time, getting inspired and feeling “I must persevere on the path I have chosen.” My heart was filled and refreshed and rejuvenated this time too, watching it after quite a long time.
The main character was a real-life mathematician who won the Nobel Prize in Economics in the end.
Although his life was unbelievably turbulent, it is so wonderful that John Nash the mathematician, continued to love mathematics.
The term “genius” was meant for him without doubt, but because of the way he lived, striving to pursue mathematics and enduring loneliness, alienation and some sort of discriminatory gaze, bring out strong impression.
The intensity of his struggle is revealed as it becomes clear that John Nash suffers mental illness. Yet, it is only towards the end of the movie that this fact is revealed to the viewers. Until then, there is no distinction between fantasy, hallucinations, and reality, so the viewers experience his life from his perspective, thinking that “all of it is real.”
Viewers finally learn that it was a mental illness at the latter half of the movie, and the shock is beyond imagination. We face the shocking truth just like John’s wife, leaving us dismayed, and all we can do is just worry about his despair. The deep love of his wife who continued to support him is also touching, but his loneliness and despair driven to the edge of isolation is much too unbearable.
I don’t mean to reveal everything here, but I would just like to mention that the scene of the fountain pen is especially so moving and is difficult to hold back your emotion.
I feel that this movie is constantly asking what life is all about, and what beauty means.
Last time, I wrote the essay about the movie “Bunin”, and though it is a coincidence, there seems to be a shared “beauty” among them.
It is the beauty of how one lives.
It is not just about prettiness, but the integrity of a person who continues to walk the path they believe in, without stopping, even if they get covered in mud.
Also, both main characters accept their harsh fates without making a fuss and walk the path they believe in. Even if no one understands them, or even if they face nothing but failure, without seeing enough light in the direction they are heading.
After watching it, I feel encouraged, realizing how small my own worries and doubts are, and find myself looking ahead and wanting to keep walking again.