Watching the film “KOKUHOU（National Treasure）” made me think yet again about what expressing is all about. In this film, actors play kabuki actors as well as actors in the film playing different kabuki roles, which were all performed with subtle differences, and I was completely drawn into their world. I lost track of time, and the 3 hours passed without even noticing, even though I am usually very impatient…
Performing on stage is a job that requires living in a special world. The film reminded me that once again.
Musicians, dancers, theatre actors, and kabuki actors, among others.
For example, there might be 2000 people watching the stage with 4000 eyes focused on you. The stage is a space where you feel terrified, like being on the edge of a cliff, as well as feeling happy as being on a cloud, and as lonely as being thrown into the universe.
I have been performing on stage since I was a child, but I didn’t feel that way in my childhood days.
I think I felt the fear of standing on stage when I realized that my self-awareness had emerged.
Infants are innocent and pure. I was simply happy, joyful, and loved the violin! Infants have no evil thoughts or fears, and they do not care what others will think if they make a mistake, or who might be sad, angry, or upset. This is indeed their strength.
As they grow older and develop a sense of themselves, they start to worry about their relationships with others and how their actions may affect them. This could lead to stress and difficulty in concentrating, and increased tension and anxiety.
As a person on stage, I have the feeling of living on stage. At least, that’s how I feel.
When I step onto the stage, I feel like a different clock starts ticking.
For musicians, it feels like entering the world of Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, Bach, or Kreisler’s world, and so on, and sharing their extraordinary destinies and reviving their souls. We are challenging to expand and unfold those otherworldly realms onto the stage, and how to bring life into them.
On stage, I must never return to the sense of everyday life. As soon as I regain awareness of reality, the magic and dreams seem to suddenly disappear. Therefore, I step back into that otherworldly realm, hoping to keep myself from waking up from that dream. When you feel incredibly comfortable, like falling into the so-called “zone”, you feel an incredible sense of pleasure. Once you experience that, you get obsessed with the allure of the stage. That is where you feel “alive” and the “sense of afterlife” intertwine and overlap.
I felt that the film “KOKUHOU” visualized that sense from the stage’s perspective, deeply delving into the theme of the meaning of acting.
You can see many audiences and listeners from the stage. The dazzling lights create a sense of a different world where even the air seems to be replaced and refreshed.
The line in the movie, looking up at that lighting, saying “Someone is watching from there. Who could it be?” remains in my heart.