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Essay “The Sound of the Heart”

May , 2023

My eyesight has always been good, so I am not used to wearing glasses now.
When I wear them, it feels like my vision is narrowed, so sometimes I suddenly take them off. But when I take them off, I naturally cannot see what I should be seeing, so I have to put them back on again.
As I keep repeating putting them on and taking them off, I often leave them on my forehead. But then again, I forget that they are there and start looking for my glasses. It’s indeed a stereotyped gesture but it really does happen.
As we wear masks these days, I feel even more uncomfortable wearing glasses and masks at the same time.
People suggest using contact lenses but I am too scared because I have never used them in my life so far.
I try to imagine wearing them, but I get so worried about putting any foreign objects into my eyes, and wonder how it would feel, and if they might fall off when I blink and so on.
When I wear my glasses, I can see very clearly.
I feel wow, and feel grateful. I get frustrated with myself, not getting used to them.

I get my eyesight tested at medical check-ups.
This is when my bad habits come out.

It’s that test with circles are open somewhere on the left, right, top or bottom. Even when I don’t have a clue of which part is open, I start “guessing” as my subconscious mind gets strongly motivated to get good results. I know well enough that it wouldn’t do any good for myself but when it gets to that moment, I start guessing…
Even when I am not sure, I would answer “Hmm…, could it be right?” to the inspector who would say, “That’s correct!” and I feel happy hearing it.
When the test is over, oh, I regret doing it.
And so, my test results are far better than my actual eye sight.

I do have a few glasses which have been made in different places.
I have very nice ones, but somehow, I cannot seem to use them, as I am not used to handling expensive glasses, and it’s difficult for me to pick them up often as I worry about getting them scratched. So, I make full use of glasses from 100-yen shops.
Even though they are from 100-yen shops, they become important, the more I use them. I keep a few of my favourite ones of the same design in various places in my room and pick them up quickly whenever I read.

The other day, I lost one of my favourite 100 yen glasses while travelling. I realized it was missing while riding a bullet-train. It was the one in red and black colours. Even though I do have other ones in the same design, my heart was pounding and I felt so sad, and searched my pockets, my forehead, and my bag but could not find it. I must have dropped it when I got off the taxi, and ran to the station in a hurry. I felt sorry and went on searching my bag. And then, my smart phone shook and a Line message arrived.
It said “This is Senju-san’s, isnt’ it? “
A photo of my beloved 100-yen glasses was sent to me!
Mr. Sando, the pianist had found the 100-yen glasses that I had dropped in the station, and realized that it was mine. He handed them to my manager immediately, who delivered them to me later that day.
I was so grateful and touched.

Regretting, and feeling thankful.
I felt that the distance between me and my glasses got closer tremendously.