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Essay “The Sound of the Heart”

April , 2023
Flying in the Sky

Sometimes, I have dreams of flying in the sky.
It does not happen so often, perhaps once every few years or once every decade.
I remember the dream clearly, after I wake up as it has a strange feeling.
In those dreams, I never think about why I was able to fly, and I just have the happy feelings to be able to fly around freely, wherever I want to go.
I remember those strange dreams really vividly compared to any other dreams, and they always wake me up happily.
Last night, I flew for the first time after a long time.
I felt so happy.
It was an unusual dream in really vivid colours.
It took place on a very beautiful lake, which was so clear that one could feel the pale blue colour inside. The trees around the lake were so green, and flowers among them were the most colourful ones I had ever seen.
How beautiful it was.
I was so moved in the dream, and I shouted how beautiful it was, over and over in my mind.
The colours of the flowers looked nothing like those from this world, and the sky looked as it was either sunset or sunrise, and I felt like being sucked into the sky.
I flew around like a bird, on the beautiful lakeside, as if I had wandered into a painting, not knowing where I was.

Then, I woke up.
Ah, it was a dream.
A happy dream.
A happy dream, where I could fly.
I wondered how beautiful it was, and if it existed or not, and thought of the tranquility there.
I was dazing for a while, ruminating the dream.
As the scene was so vivid, it came as a big shock. I didn’t want to move when I woke up, and so I just tried to remember the dream.
I wanted to remember it.
I recalled my dream over and over again, recalling the images in my mind.

Performing on stage is like dreaming or flying. I suddenly felt so when I woke up.
A wonderful world with various shades of Debussy, Kreisler, Beethoven and Bach, something that I have never seen before. I fly in such a beautiful world together with my violin.
I can explore the unknown world, freely with my violin.
I can search with the sound, by imagining in my mind, for the unknown world that keeps expanding.
But on stage, once I start thinking about flying freely around in the world of fantasy and wonder why I can fly, I come back to reality at once as though the magic is broken. Once you become aware of the real world, the world of images goes away.
Therefore, I just focus on the world created by the sound, and concentrate on the tone.
Then, the sound allows us to experience fully, the unknown landscape that the composer invites us to.
When I get off the stage, I wake up from that “dream”.
Then again, I feel like going back into the dream, or the wonderful world of music.