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Essay “The Sound of the Heart”

January , 2023
Year-end and New Year

The year-end and New Year pass by so quickly.
It feels so busy whether I have concerts and events or not.
I assume that most people in general spend the year-end in their hometowns, or travelling or going out for fun activities, but in my case, it’s a bit different.
For me, the most luxurious thing to do on my few days off, is staying at home, not going out travelling though it could be a refreshing thing to do. I would rather be at home than travelling. I just need the time at home.
Though I do sometimes go on trips when my friends invite me, and it is a lot of fun, I do not make plans myself. I don’t have any places I would like to visit.
When I have the whole day off at home, first I get anxious somehow, and feel that I might not get anything done.
I do get so excited thinking of how to spend my day off effectively.
It’s fun thinking about the various things that I could do, but then the time just flies by. Oh my god, my holiday morning is already over! I feel rushed, and hungry at the same time. So, I try to think of how to spend the rest of the day, eating something.
After eating, I get so full and start feeling sleepy. I enjoy the happiness of taking a nap! It feels so good dazing off naturally!
When I wake up, it’s already early evening. It doesn’t mean that I do not touch the instrument on my days off, because I need to keep up my muscles for the violin, so I play for a while. After a brief practice time, I put the TV on and watch the news, and think about going for a swim or going shopping, and I feel busy again, doing nothing.
And then, oh, the day is over…

Sometimes, when I have a long holiday of about 1 or 2 weeks without any work, I also feel anxious. I could do anything I want when I don’t have any concerts for a while, and my friends tell me to go on a trip and enjoy myself. But for me, going on a trip means going on a concert tour, and I want to take time off from travelling.
That’s why I want to stay home.
I get so happy about the fact that I’m free to do anything as well as doing nothing.
I want to tidy up my room. I want to sort out my music scores. How about cooking, or housecleaning, or just spending time doing nothing….
Time pass by as I ponder on.
I write out a weekly schedule.
But sadly, I write out a very busy timetable as a habit, and it makes no sense. I do want to spend my day off relaxing, like a proper day off.
It just means that I am not good at relaxing. I feel better running around, doing my errand one after another, getting satisfied, and doing my practice routine. The bath time and the wine after the bath, make my day.
So, another New Year has started, time is flying by, and I am feeling exhilarated practicing the various pieces for the concerts to come.