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Essay “The Sound of the Heart”

December , 2022
Christmas Season

December is the month of Christmas. Christmas mood begins as early as the latter half of November,
in the streets, the shops, people’s feelings, and conversations.
Every time Christmas comes around, many memories from the past that I ‘ve been through appear on my mind.

The boisterous Christmas in my childhood.

The happy and memorable Christmas time when I lived with 7 members of the family including my grand parents and a dog, and my relatives joined us for exciting hours, eating delicious dishes made by my mother.

As we grew up becoming high-school and college students, the gathering crowd got smaller, and the members gradually changed.
Though my elder brothers went out with friends and my father got very busy with his work, and the number of attending members got small, my mother never stopped making 2 or 3 roasted and stuffed tasty chickens.
They were so delicious.
When I grew up and became an adolescent, December was the season when I felt lonely and missed seeing people. I went to my friends’ gatherings, went out with boyfriends, but I felt kind of guilty not spending Christmas with my family. I am wondering what kind of colour my mother’s feelings might have been back then, when she was still roasting chicken and waiting for us to come home.

After my grandparents, our dog and my father passed away, we felt our house was too spacious. When my brothers left home, it was just me and my mother spending Christmas together. I felt sad that December, when my mother looked so small, and said, “I’m going to roast the chicken!”.
“Let’s move out…”
I brought the subject up to my mother. She stared at me for a while, looking rather startled.
There are houses with suitable sizes for 2 people to live in. With some help from my friend, we moved to a new house, and the Christmas there felt a bit distant and uneasy.
My mother cooked Christmas dishes there, but because she was still not used to it, the food was burnt in the oven and as we only had large plates, the food looked so small, and we quickly made more food to fill them up. I will never forget the sad kind of smile my mother had on her face, looking at the amount of food that was far too much for just the two of us. And after my mother passed away, I spent most of the seasons running around to do Christmas concerts.

These days, I really feel that memories become more and more melancholic as time passes by.

Nowadays, I like spending quiet and peaceful times at Christmas.
It’s good to be with someone but being alone is also fine. I am satisfied with a moderate amount of food, instead of a big feast.
I can’t get my mind off from the fact that people around the world are suffering and enduring the difficult times at this very moment.
I close my eyes and think about those people, I wish that they could spend a peaceful time without anything happening.

So, I too, would like to spend a quiet Christmas.