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Essay “The Sound of the Heart”

October , 2018
“Specified” for the Violin

Sometimes I wonder, why I am so obsessed with the violin, and absorbed with it so enthusiastically. When I see it from a higher perspective, I feel that I have become quite a strange person.

When was it from, that I have become like this?
It is from when the violin “Duranty” came to me.

I seem to have changed to become a human being specified for “Duranty” after 2002, when it suddenly entered my life. At first, I did not even realize it but gradually my way of thinking and my body and heart started remodeling towards it.
Of course, even before “Duranty”, my life was filled up with the violin. But before, it was much more in the ordinary level of a typical classical violinist. In those days, I was interested in topics from different areas and genres and even thought of having some kind of hobbies. I enjoyed going shopping and eating out with friends, and enjoying girls talk about love life.

But now, I feel that I cannot lose any time. Though life is said to last for 100 years now, you never know how long you can live. I often think of how many more years I can keep playing the violin. Therefore, I truly wish to spend an intimate time with my “Duranty” from the bottom of my heart. I would like to play my “Duranty” until the last minute of my life, no matter what reason my life may end with. I really feel that I am in deep love with this Stradivarius.
When I eat something, I put food into my mouth, thinking about how to make my body fit, to play “Duranty”. “ Even when I think I want to eat something delicious, I shift my mind to eat something effective to play the violin. Swimming, going to the gym, walking and doing Yoga are all for training myself to play the violin, to strengthen the muscles and take off unnecessary things and to train for sustainability and endurance.
When I wake up in the mornings, I enjoy thinking about the schedule. how to spend my day most effectively for “Duranty”.

Yes, I am living all my life for the “Duranty”. It is my true joy so nothing can stop this.
It may look like a wierd way of life to other people, but I don’t mind because it is my life.
So, performing on stage is the most happiest time of life.
The happiest moments and the extraordinal tension, the world of music, transcending the times, lead our souls to ecstacy. However, the ideal music that I long for, comes and goes like a mirage, and every time, I am in despair, in search for the music.
But today again, I train my body and take in good nutrition and study the violin, and train myself for my “Duranty”.